Finding Christ: Praying for guidance and forgiveness

Note: This is a transcript of a spoken prayer as best as I can remember it

Are you there God? It's me, Joshua. I don't know why, but I felt it would be best for me to start off with a pop culture reference. If I should be more serious God, I'm sorry. I know we've had a rocky past, seeing as how I haven't believed in you at all. Please forgive me for that. I really wish to let you into my heart, and into my life. I'm just no entirely sure how.

I know that by your standards, I'm a terrible person. I've done many things I regret doing, I've wronged many people, and I've caused a lot of strife in my life. I'm a prideful person, I can be manipulative, I lie a lot, and I'm sorry for all this God.

I really don't now what I am expecting from this to be honest. I'm not sure if it will be a sudden revelation, or a gradual shift towards you, or what. In all honesty, I'm a bit scared. I still feel extremely skeptical and cynical towards your existence, and I really want you to help me with this. Even right now, I feel silly praying to you. In all honesty, this cynicism is making me feel a bit guilty. Maybe the guilt is your way of being subtle God? I don't know.

I am about to start reading The Bible. Well, I've read The Bible before, but mostly it was to criticize it, and prove that it probably wasn't written by some supreme being. I'm sincerely sorry for any of the people I have lead astray by doing so, which I suppose includes myself. I just want you to help guide me through the readings of your book. I really wish to understand what you are trying to say in it. Please help me with this.